Quote:
LaMu:

Please stop putting Kelly in a good light. He was (and likely still is) an asshole.


Sit down children and I'll tell you a story:

One day, all the parts of the body got together to have a roundtable discussion on which was the most important part of the body.

The brain immediately started talking at length about how it controlled all other functions of the body, therefore making it the most important.

The heart interrupted him, "I pump blood into all the parts of the body, without me, the body can't live. It's obvious to everyone that I'm the most important."

The lungs piped up, "without us, the body can't process the air it receives - we are clearly the most important part of the body."

The muscles and the bones joined in: "Without us, the body can't move or do any of the things it needs to survive. We're the best!"

The penis, the liver and the kidneys then objected and soon all the parts of the body were arguing back and forth. Amidst all the cacophony, the little rectum piped up: "I think I'm the most important part of the body."

The brain immediately launched an attack on the timid rectum: "What rubbish! As if a rectum could even do a fraction of the things I do!"

The heart and the lungs scoffed. "What could a shitty little rectum like you do anyway? You can't even clean yourself!" At that, the rest of the body started to laugh uncontrollably.

The determined little rectum said to himself: "I'll show them." And with that, he shut himself, refusing to open for anyone or anything.

Days passed, and the body grew sick. Parts of the body began to shut down because it could not rid itself of the solid waste. As time passed on, other parts of the body began to plead with the little rectum to open up. After a few weeks, even the brain, heart and lungs broke down:

"Rectum, our friend, please! We implore you! Open up! Open up!"

The confident rectum said "I'll open up one condition: that you all declare that I'm the most important part of the body."

Reluctantly, all the parts of the body admitted that the rectum was indeed the most important, even the cocky penis and the smug eyeballs.

THE END.

So what did we learn today, kids?

To be the most important, one need not be the strongest nor the smartest, but rather, THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE